Why I fear my summer wardrobe
...but a little less than before
I’ve written previously about how I dislike summer, and as it is now in full swing, all of my reasons are once again confirmed. My eyes are itching, nose is streaming, I’m wheezing from pollen, getting burnt despite factor 50 on my face and there are flies EVERYWHERE. If it wasn’t for my beloved Fanny (she’s, perhaps unsurprisingly, a Dyson fan), I wouldn’t get a wink of sleep. It is not my season, despite the pretty blue skies and sunshine.
Another thing I dislike about summer is the clothing. I feel safe in Autumn/Winter attire, my bits covered, my skin not exposed. Give me a polo neck and jeans, and I’m a happy gal. Summer means getting your body out, suffering in strapless bras and sweating even in linen. I don’t just dislike my summer wardrobe, I actively fear it.
Every year when I get the vacuum-packed bag of holiday stuff down, I shudder. In what way will my body have changed this year? Are my boobs even bigger, my muffin top more pronounced, or have I developed a new fold of skin underneath my armpit? I love getting older in many ways, but not when it comes to the strange things your body does as it ages and changes. Having previously spent most of my life as a mere slip of a thing, my fashion brain still gravitates towards stuff that would have looked amazing on 20-something me, and is confused when I look ridiculous at 37.
The older I get, the less I care but I still have my moments. On my recent holiday to Italy, I packed well and didn’t fret until the last night, when I wanted to wear a chic beige linen playsuit I’d bought, and it wouldn’t zip past my bra. I had a mini internal meltdown before just giving up and reaching for a trusty LBD. But I had flashbacks in that moment of literally busting out of a dress at a destination wedding in France, of sitting at a dinner winded because my shorts were cutting off the blood supply at my waist.
The truth is, I envy those who are comfortable and confident enough in themselves to just throw on a sundress, ditch the tights or even get in to a swimsuit and not fret, or without major prep. I am a confident person, but not really about my body. It’s more to do with my skin that my shape actually; like a lot of us on this island I have a condition called keratosis pilaris (aka ham skin) that litters the meat sack in which I live with little rough red dots, and I look appalling without a lick of tan. I envy those who rock beautiful alabaster skin, who avoid faking it and hide from the sun. But there’s no denying that a bit of bronze, whether real of from a bottle, drastically improves my appearance. The sun actually helps the condition, so in it I bathe (wearing this amazing SPF).
I also really struggle with my boobs. It sounds so silly, but it’s true - so true that I’ve booked a consultation to discuss a potential reduction. They are very large, out of proportion with the rest of my body, and painful to carry around. They make getting dressed a nightmare, getting injured working out very easy and even affect my breathing when I’m lying down. I’ve tried to exercise them smaller and to make peace with them. But the simple fact is that the older I get, the heavier and more cumbersome they become. They’re not just normal big, and it’s not like if I lost a bit of weight they’d shrink (something I convinced myself of for many, many years and kept trying). In summer, the boob problem is worse because I can’t wear scaffolded bras, and anything cute and light I put on often looks utterly indecent. They’re a problem, and one I’m hoping to address (but am very, very scared about tbqh).
Like many, these days I strive for body neutrality. I buy and wear what fits me and is flattering, things that are comfortable. That means eschewing things that are fashionable, anything backless or unsupportive. Cropped? Forget about it!
And I know what suits me now. Sadly, midi dresses that look boho and ethereal on other women make me look frumpy. Short stuff works (I do have a fine pair of legs), and off the shoulder minimises my breasts. I highlight my waist, try and avoid zips, buy breathable fabrics. There is nothing more frustrating than standing there sweating not being able to fit in to something you wore last year (or last week!) because your boobs expanded or you’re retaining water, or the zip is pathetically tiny.
I would love to be able to eschew fast fashion entirely, to breeze around in linen dresses or investment palazzo pants. But I have to be realistic. So here are my tips to make summer dressing less torturous, gleaned the hard way…
*Light and breathable shapewear is your friend. I am a recent SKIMS convert and can’t rave about the brand enough! Comfy, soft bras in every size and skin tone. Shorts that sculpt without constricting and prevent chafing. God bless you, Kimberly Noel Kardashian. Even your biggest haters can’t fault you for this brand.
*Natural materials are amazing and preferred, but I need something with a bit of give and stretch because of the aforementioned disproportionate boobs. Linen isn’t very forgiving on me, so I opt for soft, stretchy cotton and jersey, and a bit of elastane is my friend.
*The Abercrombie Curve Love shorts are brilliant. They’ve an extra couple of inches around the hips, and they don’t (all) show your arse to all and sundry. They also make lovely light and stretchy tops and bodysuits.
*I often buy bigger in summer, because I want things to be comfy - especially in dresses. I try not to care about the size labels because we all know, things fit differently even in the same shop. And how are we all, with our myriad different body shapes, meant to fit in the narrow (literally) sizing of the high street?!
*If you’re a bigger boobed lady, try Figleaves for your swimwear. They sell well-structured bits in bra sizes, but I generally take one size smaller than a bra in swimsuits because they’re structured differently and you’re not wearing them the same way/expecting the same support.
*Bright colours and patterns are lovely, especially for summer, but don’t feel guilty if you live in neutrals either. I’m a year round goth girl because black suits me and I feel comfy in it. However in summer…
*…I just wear as little as possible. I’ve had to become comfy with showing (arm, chest and leg) skin, or else I will expire. I’m always mesmerised by people in shirts, jackets and jeans when it’s properly hot out. Do they have sweat glands? Are they innately cold people? As someone that runs hot 24/7, 365, I can’t fathom it.
*Go all out with the bright and patterned accessories. I like to wear neutrals and then summer up my bags, shoes, earrings, necklaces, makeup, hair, sunglasses, manicure.
*Figure out what suits YOU. I now know that a minidress with Stans is a good look for me. A top tucked in to wide legged trousers, a Bardot top with a belted waist with jeans or shorts, that bodycon pieces work surprisingly well on an hourglass shape with the right undies.
*Try not to compare yourself to anyone else. I know it sounds so obvious, but it’s true. It took me a very long time to realise that women with smaller breasts are just going to physically be able to fit in to different things than me - they can wear satin dresses and button downs, and good for them.
Godspeed to us all. I don’t want to wish the summer away, but also - roll on autumn xxx
Appreciate your honesty especially as you always look so well put together- flawlessly flawed! That’s a compliment ❤️