Badgers, unite!

This is my call to action for fellow reverse SAD sufferers

Everybody loves spring, right? Bright yellow daffodils poke their heads out of the soil, cherry blossom trees bud and bloom, grass starts to grow tall and the evenings get brighter. It’s universally acknowledged as being a fab time of regrowth, regeneration and packing away our winter woollens.

Except, I kind of hate it. I have no problem with pastel shades, chocolate eating or even getting my boho blouses out of storage. I like sunshine and a blue sky. These are all fine, nice even. But I do take issue with the longer evenings, and sometimes I feel like I’m entirely alone in the world on this.

Every spring, my anxiety kicks in with a vengeance. Last year, I asked a trained professional if Seasonal Affective Disorder exists in reverse to how most people think of it (ie, depression from lack of sunlight in the winter) and he said YES. SAD goes both ways; it literally means to be affected by a change in the seasons. I felt vindicated, and want to share that with anyone else who may be in a funk right now.

April is always a funny month for me. It’s when I went on antidepressants in 2018. It’s when I sought therapy in 2022. I always, always feel weird when the clocks go forward and suddenly it’s bright at 8pm. This, in turn, makes me feel even more weird, because everyone else is banging on about a grand stretch and being able to glimpse summer.

If spring makes me feel weird, summer makes me feel downright icky. Sure, I enjoy warm weather when I’m on a beach sipping a cocktail and covered in SPF30. But summer in Ireland? No, thank you. It is a season of random heatwaves, surprise sunburn, murderous allergies, horrible buzzy insects, rashes, humidity and SWEATING. I loathe it. L O A T H E.

I try to get involved, I swear. I like a barbecue and beer garden as much as the next person. But you can never count on the heavens not to open, or a topless man not to ruin the craic by getting lairy. It’s hard to work indoors or even rest and watch telly (my favourite pastime) when the skies are blue and sun is shining because all I feel is PRESSURE to be outside enjoying it. And don’t even get me started on having to blow dry your hair when you’re already too warm. Violent.

I’m aware that many of you are summer babies, those who need the feeling of heat on your bones to be happy, who have no allergies or qualms about stripping off at a moment’s notice because it’s suddenly hot on the May bank hollier. I am just not one of those people. I need time to prep in order to bare skin, warning about sudden balminess and every form of antihistamine spray, tablet and drops to hand.

On the contrary, when the weather turns in September, I am in my bliss. Good things always happen to me in September. That’s when I feel regenerated, when nature is starting to decay and droop and the nights are drawing in. I swear, I was a badger or something in a past life.

Although unlike a badger, I want to actively hibernate, not just sleep through my fave season. I want to decorate my home with leaves, buy jumpers and boots, light seasonal candles and buy pumpkin flavoured things. I want to go for a walk when it’s brisk and dusky, and wrap up without pumping sweat. I want to light my fire and snuggle up after work. I like the dark, the cosy, the hygge of it all. And it is impossible to do those things in the summer.

So if you see me looking frazzled over the next few months, take pity. I am but a strange creature, contrary in so many ways. But if you’re just like me, please let me know? There’s a safety in numbers. Badgers, unite!