Being an ambivert

Introvert, extrovert, or simply trying to balance energy in 2023?

In 2015, I wrote a feature for IMAGE Magazine about being an ambivert. I first learned of the term online (where else?) and felt deeply that it applied to me, an extroverted introvert, or is that an introverted extrovert? Someone who can be the life and soul of a party one minute, and a couch potato the next. Someone who needs to recharge their social battery with almost equal bouts of hanging out with people and hiding from them.

That rings true to this day. While I am someone who loves to go out and who is very sociable, I am also someone who loves to spend a lot of time in my house and in my own head. It’s a constant balancing act.

In the past fortnight, I’ve been to more events than I have in the previous six months combined. There are a few reasons for this - practically, I’ve been attempting to adjust to a new life and schedule away from the 9-5. I’ve been squirelled away writing my book and working on journalism and consulting bits. I’m also just less bothered with going out, especially to the opening of an envelope on a Tuesday evening. I’m more conscious of who I give my time and energy to. I’m also conscious of my health and wellbeing - I can’t be quaffing champagne and then expect to be able to work, exercise and exist happily as an almost middle-aged woman, can I?!

But I’ve been going out more lately because a) I’ve had the spare time and b) honestly, I’ve been a little lonely. It’s that paradox - I love being self-employed and working from home, but I miss the community and camaraderie of being part of a team. So far, I’ve been pretty good at managing it; I arrange doggy walks and coffee dates with fellow flexible workers, hit the gym at lunch time with my husband and make plans for the weekends to see friends. But I’m not great at dealing with being unoccupied, and there are days when I get all my work done by lunchtime and spend the afternoon guiltily watching RHONY on my iPad.

Logically, I know that’s fine - if I work quickly, as it is my nature to do, I reap the benefits of downtime. I’m never sitting at my desk for an enforced period of time on the clock. But there’s something inside me that wants my brain to be busy and pushing forward always, and it’s a fact that not many people are consistently available to distract me and play during the 9-5. I don’t make too many plans midweek for fear of being unavailable due to work, but then I have no plans when I end up being free.

It’s an eternal juggling act - don’t take too much on, allow yourself the time to rest, relax and be creative, but also not too much time that you get bored and antsy. I promised myself this year that I would only do work I wanted to do - interesting features for publications I like and trust, client work with amazing brands I admire and respect. It’s wholly rewarding, and surprisingly lucrative, I’m low on stress and high on excitement about all that is to come. But I am also impatient, and I get itchy feet when I feel like I could be more productive.

I grew up as an only child who would entertain herself with books and Barbies, so why can’t I do that now? It’s on trend! But it feels so decadent to read in the middle of the day, and I’m often held captive by my phone which has the dual effect of making me feel guiltier when I see other people’s packed schedules, and distracting me with New York Times games and Tetris.

Other words that begin with ambi- are telling. Ambition. Ambivalent. Ambiguous. All apply to me at one time or another. Perhaps like Erika Jayne, I am an enigma wrapped in a riddle and cash. Or like Winston Churchill, whom the housewife is paraphrasing, I’m a riddle, wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Or maybe I just need to chill the eff out and allow the different sides of my personality to pull me in the directions I need to go? That I can be all of these things and many others, because such is the paradox of modern womanhood? I know hustle culture isn’t healthy, but boredom isn’t either. So like pretty much everything, it’s about finding the happy medium. Avoiding excess anything, aiming for balance.

Jesus, it’d all exhaust you.