Fatal flaws

And how to conquer them

When I was in school, I had the greatest English teacher known to mankind. Yes, yes, I know everyone thinks that, and the below rings extremely true for me.

My beloved Ms Aitken taught me for six years, and I learned more from her than from anybody else. I would go on to study English in university, work in journalism and eventually, become an author (!) [thank you to those who have been asking about the novel, I should have news I can share soon enough!]

I particularly loved how she taught Shakespeare, making the words of the Bard seem as relevant as they did in the early 17th century. She taught us about fatal flaws, the one thing each tragic character had that was their undoing. The thing about them that f*cked them up, that was behind their worst decisions. For Macbeth, it was ruthless ambition. For Othello, jealousy. Romeo was too hasty, Hamlet not hasty enough. These things ultimately led to their deaths, hence the term fatal flaw.

Ol’ Shakey didn’t exactly conceive of the concept, though - in Greek mythology, Achilles’ literal heel was his undoing, the one spot on his body not protected by godliness. But the phrase still exists today to describe our weak spot, our downfall. And some are very serious, especially when you’re dealing with an addiction, a tendency toward violence or cripplingly low self-esteem. These things are not to be reduced to internet psychobabble or pseudoanalysis, of course. I’m talking about the regular human emotions than can cause us pain and can be self-helped, to be very clear.

Social media is to thank for current discussion of fatal flaws, mostly in relation to relationships. TikTokers shite on about dating faux pas related to these perceived personality defects. Influencer Tinx applies it to friends, saying that once you identify another person’s quirk or idiosyncrasy, you have to either decide to accept it and its baggage, or else get out. Makes sense. It’s very useful being able to identify them in others, just for your own good. As Tinx says, what you do with that knowledge is then paramount. For example, knowing my husband’s helps avoid arguments because I’m aware that his (few) flaws are just part and parcel of who he is. There’s good and bad to them, and if I ever saw one getting out of control, I’d tell him.

But what about recognising your own fatal flaw? Can you truly make peace with the shitty traits within yourself, or are they going to keep cropping up throughout your life, messing things up? Is it possible to avoid the fate of a fatal flaw? *Carrie Bradshaw voice*

Mine is impatience, no doubt. I am somebody that wants everything to happen yesterday. I get very bajiggity when I’m waiting to hear back about something important, or for an exciting event to arrive. I hate waiting for responses to texts and emails, so I’m basically a huge pain in the ass.

Knowing this about myself is key, because identifying the problem is the only way to deal with it. Writing the book has actually been good practice in defeating my fatal flaw, because so much of it is out of my hands. I have already asked my agent if I can start working on book two, though - that’s just how I roll.

In some ways, my impatience is a blessing. It makes me efficient and decisive. But left to its own devices, it could be very damaging - if I gave in to it, I doubt anyone would want to work with me! Now that I know about it, I can actively work on being more chill. I know that not everyone moves at the same pace as me, and I know that moving too fast can be detrimental. I’m beginning to see the value in a slower pace and I love working with people who force me to sit with stuff.

I have some other more minor, not quite fatal but still wounding flaws. I can be very sensitive, to the point where other people’s opinions and takes can stop me in my tracks. I can be overly fearful, and held back by that. And I can be insular, too fond of controlling my own environment. But again, knowing these things and being self aware is key to not being destroyed by them.

What’s your fatal flaw? When you copped it, did it help you? Everyone has at least one, by the way. Don’t think you’re special - if you don’t know what it is, ask your friends, family, partner, but only if you’re prepared not to be offended by what they say. Identifying it might just be the difference between the life and death of your social and/or romantic life.

Our fatal flaws are often what drive us, what push us in life. They only get tricky when we go too far. Like Macbeth, wanting absolute power, or Romeo being too impetuous (she wasn’t dead, you fool!), they’re only fatal when out of control. So don’t wait for that moment - seek them out now, nip them in the bud and live happily ever after.