On the struggle with being consistent

Ugh, it's so annoying that you have to KEEP making an effort

I have always struggled with consistency. I’m great at starting things, because one of my most positive characteristics is boundless enthusiasm. I’m not so great at keeping them up. Many a time, a new exercise regime, lifestyle change, self-care ritual or extra-curricular activity has fallen by the wayside. I’ll get bored, lose momentum, move on to something new. Or the task at hand will become difficult, and I’ll get tired of it.

This year, I am prioritising consistency. Why? Because it is the only thing that gets results. I’m sick and tired of going to the gym with great gusto for weeks, even months, and then falling off the health-buzz wagon and giving up. In the past I’ve been doing so well, only to get injured or go on holiday, and find myself out of the loop and struggling to get back in the swing of things.

I’m also terribly inconsistent with things like tidiness. If I’m busy, it’s the first thing to go out the window. Yes, this newsletter is me admitting to being physically lazy, okay? The struggle is real.

I don’t know how many activities I started and stopped as a child, but I do know it was enough for my mother to say no to any new whims. I definitely enrolled in and subsequently gave up on tap dancing, speech and drama, hip hop classes, swimming and basketball, and I’m sure there were others. I whinge now because she never put me in the Billie Barrys (I could have been a musical STAR!!!) but I also know that I’d have been moaning about going on a cold Tuesday afternoon, or begging to give it up after a few weeks when she’d paid for a term.

Still, I marvelled at other kids who found their thing and did it so consistently, often winning championships and bringing home medals. Even now, I know people so committed and dedicated that they hold world titles, perform eight shows a week, have won team trophies and summited Mount Kilimanjaro. All admirable, all the results of remarkable consistency.

I guess the only thing I’ve ever done consistently is write. My hobby became my job, which is both brilliant and a bit crap. I am also consistently good at eating, drinking rosé and watching television. I will NEVER pass a dog without petting it. Where’s my kudos for that, huh?

Then I realised, kudos comes from personal satisfaction. From self-esteem, from knowing you can do something well and appreciating that skill. I realised that I have actually been very consistent in some areas of my life - mostly at work, where I am nerdy to the point of neurosis. And at school, where I was never the very best but always surprisingly well prepared.

I may not have been consistent with the kind of hobbies that others value, but I have been consistent with the things I’m good at. Sitting down to write every day whether I’m in the humour or not has resulted in my novel being finished early (!). It’s resulted in this newsletter landing in your inbox every Tuesday morning, even when I feel too busy to fit it in. It means that I prioritise writing it sometimes over paid work, because it’s important to me.

Once I realised that, I started practicing more. I’m now consistent with my skin care. I strive to keep my house tidy, because I’ve found it makes me more productive. I consistently eat my five a day, drink enough water and take my supplements.

I consistently don’t smoke, which is something I never thought I’d be able to do. I’m very proud of that one.

Do I wish I was someone who could be naturally consistent with the gym and thus ripped to bits? Who could be consistently satisfied with salads and never crave chips? Who actually enjoys going for a run, instead of having to force myself? Yes, of course.

But the important thing is that I’m trying, and succeeding to a point. I am working out three times a week, I’m walking more. This is probably because I no longer have a full time job to go to; the terror of working for yourself will keep you consistent, that’s for sure.

I’ve learned that you can actually become consistent. You really CAN train yourself, it just takes constant effort even in the face of no praise and little visible return. It’s true when Insta Quotes say you can do anything you set your mind to - you just have to make peace with the fact that you might not be any good at said thing. You might be utterly shit, but with some consistency, you could get a bit better. Or you could just stay at the same level of shit, but be proud of yourself nonetheless.

It’s annoying that consistency is key - initial effort should be enough, dammit! But after weeks of lifting weights and eating better, I’m noticing that I’m not as out of breath on my long dog walks. That I can lift stuff easier. That my clothes fit better. That my allergies are better when I hoover more. That my skin is clear when I take off my makeup every night. I know that if I stop exercising or hoovering, and go back to ordering three or four takeaways a week, I will undo these positives. Thus, I persevere.

See, I said it was annoying.