All About Denise <3

Before her first Mother's Day without her own mam

Mother’s Day is a tricky one. I’m sure you, like me, have been getting emails from brands telling you can opt out of their seasonal marketing emails regarding celebrating our parents, as if that email alone isn’t going to punch you in the guts if you’re bereaved or estranged. I am very lucky; I have two parents who are alive and well and a huge part of my life. But this year is the first without my grandmother, the matriarch of our family. More importantly, it’s my mother’s first without her own mother.

That made me want to write about Denise. I don’t know how she’ll feel about this - equal parts mortified and thrilled is my hope. She might bash me, but I don’t care. I haven’t written much about her in my career because it’s difficult to encapsulate her singularity in words, but here is my best shot.

How would I describe my mother? Well. (in no particular order)

1. Bold as brass. Denise is a born messer, through and through. I did not inherit this characteristic, and she’s always mocked me for being a goodie two shoes. I admire her naughty streak, even if the nuns at school didn’t appreciate it. She’s the type that will shake the carriage on a Big Wheel if you’re scared at the top. I admire (and admittedly sometimes fear) her chutzpah!

2. Loving. My mother is perhaps the most thoughtful person on planet Earth. She is always, always putting other people first, and is very giving and generous. She doesn’t suffer fools gladly and keeps her circles small, but if you are in one then you’re in for a lifetime of deep love and kindness.

3. Forthcoming. Denise always speaks her mind, and expects other to as well. This can be dangerous, but it’s also incredibly genuine and brave and I admire that in her.

4. FUN. Linked to being bold as brass, she has a fantastic sense of humour and a constant air of divilment and mischief. She’s not the kind of person who’ll be on the dancefloor to the death, but she is the one at the table giggling with another lucky reserved messer and taking photos.

5. Understanding. I’m very lucky to have a mother who just accepts people for who they are. She’s always been my biggest supporter and number one fan, and she’s always taught me that nobody has to follow a prescribed existence in society. She’s liberal and she doesn’t judge.

6. Supportive. She taught me I could be anything, do anything I set my mind to. Only recently she gave me a cute little drawing reminding me to continue on following my dreams, always. She knows I’m not done dreaming yet.

7. Beautiful. She has this gorgeous red hair, an innate sense of style and lovely taste. The woman cannot pose for a photo to save her life, though. She always feels too awkward and ends up looking GAS.

   

8. Feisty. Anyone that knows my mother will agree!!! She may be generally reserved but has her fiery moments. I think it’s the red hair.

9. Sentimental. Because of her caustic wit, you could be fooled in to thinking that she’s not very mushy but my god, she is. She saves everything, lives for an old photo and cherishes every memory of her family.

10. Devoted. Once my mam is in, she’s ALL in. The luckiest thing that ever happened to me was how wholeheartedly she bonded with my husband’s family. Thanks to this innate warmth, we are all one now.

    

We’re not very alike, Denise and I, but we like a lot of the same things - reality tv, romantic novels, brightly coloured flowers, musical theatre, Celine Dion, Barbra Streisand, Disney, rosé, makeup, doggies. While I am more like my father in personality, a lot of my mother’s traits are what keep my head on straight. She doesn’t really like to be touched by strangers though, whereas I would let myself be petted and pawed by anyone that remotely looked like a beauty professional. Where we differ most in that I have canine tendencies, whereas my mother is resolutely feline.

I’m an only child, but because of her I never felt lonely. She was my constant companion growing up. I always felt so wanted, so adored, that as a child it perplexed me a bit when other people didn’t share her desires for me to be all up in their grill, LOL.

But I was never spoilt or coddled. Denise is from the “what did you do?” school of parenting, if I came complaining about some ill treatment at the hands of someone else. Still, if she deduced that I had indeed been wronged, she would go to war for me like a ferocious momma bear.

Having such a great example of motherhood is probably why my debut novel has a strong mother figure at its epicentre. Because of Denise Notaro, I could write Dessie Daniels as a powerful yet gentle person, a force for good in her daughters’ lives. She has been described as the beating heart of the book; so is my mother the beating heart of my life.

I am very grateful for my mam. She’s strong and resilient, capable and reliable, tender and honest. I kinda won the mammy lottery.

Happy forthcoming Mother’s Day to all - to those who have loved, lost, longed. To those who are hopeful, to those that are estranged, to those who have experienced pain and to those who choose their own path.

REALITY CHECK is published by Penguin on MAY 9th, mere weeks away now. The biggest thing you can do to support me is to buy a physical copy of the book from an Irish bookseller now! I keep Vickipedia free because I want it to be an outlet for myself that others read and enjoy, but buying my book would mean the world. Thank you!